Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Hi all The issue? I keep explaining this as a new hobby and a journey. My wife wants an end point. The straw that broke the camels back? A double bass trap peaking out above a recliner in the corner. The new demands? - For every dollar I spend on hifi I need to put a dollar into a spending account for her. This is fair. - Second, sell the giant centre. This I don’t mind too much. - Third, see if I can find smaller speakers. This I don’t mind if I can’t find a suitable amp. - Fourth, but nothing else that will be visible and take up space in terms of room treatment. Makes it hard... - something about our future and the mortgage being more important. My end point for buying? I get to swap out my amp and that’s it for the moment. Wins for me? I get to spend bonus money on whatever I want (once a year). I can add things that fit in the tv cabinet but not on top. So, what negotion tactics have you successfully employed? (She is using her network on a mum’s and bubs forum so I thought it fair if I asked you folk.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob181 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I guess it depends on whose money you are spending... Yours...joint ac...I assume not hers.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hippy Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Mine wanted a similar deal for my hobbies. I tried explaining that her clothes and shoe shopping doesn't count as a hobby to no avail. What I ended up doing was agreeing with her then not buying anything for myself for a few months. She went mental not being able to shop In the end she was telling me to get stuff just so she had the excuse she needed to shop. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snapper() Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1. Accept your fate. You have nothing to negotiate with.2. Double your income and build a dedicated audio room. 3. Buy visually appealing kit and play music she likes, then wait fit her to be drawn in.4. Beg 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 27 minutes ago, Rob181 said: I guess it depends on whose money you are spending... Yours...joint ac...I assume not hers.. Yes it does. It’s joint, we earn about the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 I forgot another important demand. We backpay the significant amount I spent in the last few months. Fair, but I don’t think rules can be put in place in retrospect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 @Hippy the clothes analogy was brought up. I said spend away if you want. She’s into simplying lifestyle, de-cluttering and decreasing material things in the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hippy Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Yeah mine watches those youtube videos about decluttering etc . Then she culls her clothes and shoes. Then she buys more. If she wants to pay down mortgage etc then offer dollar for dollar mortgage - hifi. Take the quality /enjoyment of free time angle. ie whats the point having your house paid off in 10 years if you hate every minute of those 10 years. Better to get some balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 @Snapper(). Not accepting my fate . Income wise I was thinking about asking for more of my TFR to be weighted to bonus but I don’t think my employers would do it. 3. I like. She like my consonance amp but that’s what I need to swap! The other things look too big for the room (I agree slightly but fine by me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 @Hippy I like your thinking. What is the point of sprinting to the end of the mortgage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob181 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 What you must do as a matter of priority... Is have your "own" account... Your lovely lady has "her" own account... Then you have the joint account... IMO...long term relationships are more successful... When each party has the ability to spend what they like... From their own account...without fear, favour or blackmail... Makes live soooo much less complicated... Never argue about money again... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rantan Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Just now, Rob181 said: What you must do as a matter of priority... Is have your "own" account... Your lovely lady has "her" own account... Then you have the joint account... IMO...long term relationships are more successful... When each party has the ability to spend what they like... From their own account...without fear, favour or blackmail... Makes live soooo much less complicated... Never argue about money again... Definitely agree with this and it really comes down to a couple of things. Mutual respect and being real about what you buy V what you want to buy This is definitely a hobby for youthful exuberance..... at any age, but one has to live with one's choices and how they may impact on the greater scheme of things. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 Thanks @Rob181. We actually just joined all accounts a few years ago so no separate accounts yet. Complication is the mortgage. I’m fine for our income to be all put into the offset account and then maybe we get an allowance out of that each. Her issue is that she now contributes more to the mortgage than me - which is true. Problem for me is that hifi costs more than clothes. She doesn’t spend much. Think I probably don’t have much to go on here, hence taking the ‘everyone needs a hobby’ option. How do people answer this rationale argument: “if your last 20% cost the same as the first 80% why do can’t you compromise and be happy with the 80?” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob181 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Just now, Mike13 said: Her issue is that she now contributes more to the mortgage than me - which is true. And...this is justification for what... I hope you didn't use that comment when the situation was reversed...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 @rantan thanks for weighing in. Some wise words. I think she thinks I’m not being respectful so I should accept that. Probably because new thing were just turning up and I didn’t manage expectations on what is needed to get set up very well. Being realistic vs what you want is also good advice. I just made a list of what I want vs what is realistically possible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rantan Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Mike13 said: How do people answer this rationale argument: “if your last 20% cost the same as the first 80% why do can’t you compromise and be happy with the 80?” You simply don't 1. Because the first 80% sounds pretty damn good anyway AND 2. There is plenty of time for the other 20% given that it is like chasing the dragon anyway and her POV is correct Edit: I forgot these and I'm glad you are loving it. Edited December 24, 2017 by rantan 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob181 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 minute ago, rantan said: her POV is correct Even if it's not... Its much easier to say..."what a great idea"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warweary Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 We be nice to them, they be nice to us precious yes. I have the cheap car and the hifi, wife has the sweet car of her choice and holidays. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 5 minutes ago, rantan said: You simply don't 1. Because the first 80% sounds pretty damn good anyway AND 2. There is plenty of time for the other 20% given that it is like chasing the dragon anyway and her POV is correct Edit: I forgot these and I'm glad you are loving it. Hmm. That’s the annoying part ... I get the feeling that she is right! Audiophiles, I’m finding, don’t have much rational argument to work with Think I’ll work out amp, speakers, then leave it alone until bonus time. I probably tried to get set up too quickly so she rightly gets annoyed when I say I might have to sell things at a loss and then replace them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rantan Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 The other aspect of all this is that when you want to go and get that other elusive component........buy lots more music instead, including what your wife/partner enjoys. I have yet to see a situation not improve when the partner becomes part of the listening and enjoyment equation. Making the music front and centre is both enjoyable and inclusive. This hobby should be fun and for shared happy times,not just a club 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob181 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Just now, warweary said: I have the cheap car and the hifi, wife has the sweet car of her choice and holidays. First class negotiation skills on display... HiFi & holidays...sensational... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sub Sonic Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Would new semi transparent electrostatic speakers help with the aesthetic side of things? SS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 5 minutes ago, warweary said: We be nice to them, they be nice to us precious yes. I have the cheap car and the hifi, wife has the sweet car of her choice and holidays. I just suggested she go on a holiday with her friends while I look after the kid. She likes this. Super super idea. And I’ll get more listening time. Only one car for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warweary Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Thanks mate I've been hifi since 1990's and married since 2011. Still here, still listening. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike13 Posted December 24, 2017 Author Share Posted December 24, 2017 7 minutes ago, rantan said: The other aspect of all this is that when you want to go and get that other elusive component........buy lots more music instead, including what your wife/partner enjoys. I have yet to see a situation not improve when the partner becomes part of the listening and enjoyment equation. Making the music front and centre is both enjoyable and inclusive. This hobby should be fun and for shared happy times,not just a club She does enjoy this. I got some open backed headphones recently and listened to them in our bedroom. She thought they were the most annoying things ever. I gave them to her to listen to while I was listenening to the stereo in the other room. That worked much better. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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