Jump to content

Negotiation skills 101


Recommended Posts

Hi all

 

The issue? I keep explaining this as a new hobby and a journey. My wife wants an end point.

 

The straw that broke the camels back? A double bass trap peaking out above a recliner in the corner.

 

The new demands?

- For every dollar I spend on hifi I need to put a dollar into a spending account for her. This is fair. - Second, sell the giant centre. This I don’t mind too much.

- Third, see if I can find smaller speakers. This I don’t mind if I can’t find a suitable amp. 

- Fourth, but nothing else that will be visible and take up space in terms of room treatment. Makes it hard...

- something about our future and the mortgage being more important. 

 

My end point for buying? I get to swap out my amp and that’s it for the moment.

 

Wins for me? I get to spend bonus money on whatever I want (once a year). I can add things that fit in the tv cabinet but not on top.

 

So, what negotion tactics have you successfully employed?

 

(She is using her network on a mum’s and bubs forum so I thought it fair if I asked you folk.)

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 98
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Since this thread is still going i'll add my 2c.   I am very thankful that i am not in a similar situation.  My wife contributes happily to my hifi hobby.  Over the years, i've had numerous

Working with an (monthly) allowance you are free to spend, saves you two from arguing. At the same time, it will set you a budget which, the longer you wait the more cash you have available to spend,

Women are such strange creatures... Best of luck with the haggling.

Mine wanted a similar deal for my hobbies. I tried explaining that her clothes and shoe shopping doesn't count as a hobby to no avail.

What I ended up doing was agreeing with her then not buying anything for myself for a few months. She went mental not being able to shop :) 

In the end she was telling me to get stuff just so she had the excuse she needed to shop.

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Accept your fate. You have nothing to negotiate with.
2. Double your income and build a dedicated audio room.
3. Buy visually appealing kit and play music she likes, then wait fit her to be drawn in.
4. Beg

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, Rob181 said:

I guess it depends on whose money you are spending...

Yours...joint ac...I assume not hers..

Yes it does. It’s joint, we earn about the same. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I forgot another important demand. We backpay the significant amount I spent in the last few months. Fair, but I don’t think rules can be put in place in retrospect. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Hippy the clothes analogy was brought up. I said spend away if you want. She’s into simplying lifestyle, de-cluttering and decreasing material things in the house. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah mine watches those youtube videos about decluttering etc . Then she culls her clothes and shoes. Then she buys more.

 

If she wants to pay down mortgage etc then offer dollar for dollar mortgage - hifi.

 

Take the quality /enjoyment of free time angle. ie whats the point having your house paid off in 10 years if you hate every minute of those 10 years. Better to get some balance.

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Snapper(). Not accepting my fate :) . 

 

Income wise I was thinking about asking for more of my TFR to be weighted to bonus but I don’t think my employers would do it.

 

3. I like. She like my consonance amp but that’s what I need to swap! The other things look too big for the room (I agree slightly but fine by me). 

Link to post
Share on other sites

What you must do as a matter of priority...

Is have your "own" account...

Your lovely lady has "her" own account...

Then you have the joint account...

IMO...long term relationships are more successful...

When each party has the ability to spend what they like...

From their own account...without fear, favour or blackmail...

Makes live soooo much less complicated...

Never argue about money again...

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Rob181 said:

What you must do as a matter of priority...

Is have your "own" account...

Your lovely lady has "her" own account...

Then you have the joint account...

IMO...long term relationships are more successful...

When each party has the ability to spend what they like...

From their own account...without fear, favour or blackmail...

Makes live soooo much less complicated...

Never argue about money again...

Definitely agree with this and it really comes down to a couple of things.

Mutual respect

and

being real about what you buy V what you want to buy

 

This is definitely a hobby for youthful exuberance..... at any age, but one has to live with one's choices and how they may impact on the greater scheme of things.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks @Rob181. We actually just joined all accounts a few years ago so no separate accounts yet. 

 

Complication is the mortgage. I’m fine for our income to be all put into the offset account and then maybe we get an allowance out of that each. Her issue is that she now contributes more to the mortgage than me - which is true.

 

Problem for me is that hifi costs more than clothes. She doesn’t spend much. Think I probably don’t have much to go on here, hence taking the ‘everyone needs a hobby’ option.

 

How do people answer this rationale argument: “if your last 20% cost the same as the first 80% why do can’t you compromise and be happy with the 80?”

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Mike13 said:

Her issue is that she now contributes more to the mortgage than me - which is true.

And...this is justification for what...

I hope you didn't use that comment when the situation was reversed......

Link to post
Share on other sites

@rantan thanks for weighing in. Some wise words. I think she thinks I’m not being respectful so I should accept that. Probably because new thing were just turning up and I didn’t manage expectations on what is needed to get set up very well. 

 

Being realistic vs what you want is also good advice. I just made a list of what I want vs what is realistically possible.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Mike13 said:

 

 

 

How do people answer this rationale argument: “if your last 20% cost the same as the first 80% why do can’t you compromise and be happy with the 80?”

 

You simply don't

1. Because the first 80% sounds pretty damn good anyway

AND

2. There is plenty of time for the other 20% given that it is like chasing the dragon anyway and her POV is  correct

 

Edit: I forgot these:):thumb: and I'm glad you are loving it.

Edited by rantan
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, rantan said:

 

You simply don't

1. Because the first 80% sounds pretty damn good anyway

AND

2. There is plenty of time for the other 20% given that it is like chasing the dragon anyway and her POV is  correct

 

Edit: I forgot these:):thumb: and I'm glad you are loving it.

Hmm. That’s the annoying part ... I get the feeling that she is right!

 

Audiophiles, I’m finding, don’t have much rational argument to work with :)

 

Think I’ll work out amp, speakers, then leave it alone until bonus time.

 

I probably tried to get set up too quickly so she rightly gets annoyed when I say I might have to sell things at a loss and then replace them. 

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

The other aspect of all this is that when you want to go and get that other elusive component........buy lots more music instead, including what your wife/partner enjoys. I have yet to see a situation not improve when the partner becomes part of the listening and enjoyment equation.

Making the music front and centre is both enjoyable and inclusive. This hobby should be fun and for shared happy times,not just a club

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, warweary said:

I have the cheap car and the hifi, wife has the sweet car of her choice and holidays.

First class negotiation skills on display...

HiFi & holidays...sensational...

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, warweary said:

We be nice to them, they be nice to us precious yes.

 

I have the cheap car and the hifi, wife has the sweet car of her choice and holidays.

I just suggested she go on a holiday with her friends while I look after the kid. She likes this. Super super idea. And I’ll get more listening time. 

 

Only one car for us. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, rantan said:

 

The other aspect of all this is that when you want to go and get that other elusive component........buy lots more music instead, including what your wife/partner enjoys. I have yet to see a situation not improve when the partner becomes part of the listening and enjoyment equation.

Making the music front and centre is both enjoyable and inclusive. This hobby should be fun and for shared happy times,not just a club

She does enjoy this. I got some open backed headphones recently and listened to them in our bedroom. She thought they were the most annoying things ever. I gave them to her to listen to while I was listenening to the stereo in the other room. That worked much better. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Sub Sonic said:

Would new semi transparent electrostatic speakers help with the aesthetic side of things? :)

 

SS

Got a picture? The subwoofer looking ones with a big sheet in front of them? I like the white ones. Too tall for her tastes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Only points I’d like to add are:

Unannounced box arrivals at home can give partners the sh1ts. That was my last Christmas when a SNA bought amp arrived.

Compromise on aesthetics. I’ve recently put in ceiling speakers for a surround L/R replacing speakers on stands. Yes, it cost money, probably doesn’t sound better, but even with the expense she is happy because it looks much better than it did.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, rantan said:

..buy lots more music instead, including what your wife/partner enjoys. I have yet to see a situation not improve when the partner becomes part of the listening and enjoyment equation.

I just whacked together a playlist for her for when we get back to Melb. Including some Michael Buble (sure, I’ll pay that small price :). 

 

This is is a productive evening.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Mike13 said:

Got a picture? The subwoofer looking ones with a big sheet in front of them? I like the white ones. Too tall for her tastes.

Something like this:

https://www.martinlogan.com/electromotion/em-esl.php

but others may be smaller. They don’t tend to be small speakers, height and width wise.

 

Regards,

 

SS

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Well done @Mike13

 

Almost everyone loves some form of music and if your partner can see that she is not being excluded and that music in the house is a huge positive,your collecting life will be far more simple and easy:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Raffinator said:

Unannounced box arrivals at home can give partners the sh1ts.

Compromise on aesthetics.

Yes the bass traps I referred to... I honestly forgot to mention they came in sets of two :)

 

Aesthetics I underestimated. Something about a “shared space that once looked good”... Good advice.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, rantan said:

not being excluded and that music in the house is a huge positive

Sharing a bit of the hobby is better. I’m going to find some kids songs for my 2 year old.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Mike13 said:

Sharing a bit of the hobby is better. I’m going to find some kids songs for my 2 year old.

That's the idea mate. Make it a family thing and I promise you it will make your life so much better:)

Another member here and a good mate of mine @Grizzly is looking to buy his 3 year old a fully auto TT so she can play her music.

 

This is how kids learn about music and how it can be fun and part of family life and not just something that dad does in the back room behind a locked door

I did this with my kids as they were growing up and not only did they develop a love for music but they also learned that this was possible buy respecting the audio gear and not poking holes in speaker drivers etc and not once did we ever have to fence off the gear because they knew this is where the music came from.

Edited by rantan
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've run separate accounts since we married.

Even with the mortgage and joint accounts,  there is nothing to say you can't have additional separate accounts.  But if you start a separate account be transparent and discuss with her that you are going to do so.   

The BOSS has her own way and she buys whatever she likes, I have no problems there, as long as it's not on credit!   

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Eggcup The Daft

I've not much to add to what's already been said.

The mortgage is important. Especially at the beginning when most of what you are paying off is interest. You want to pay the bank as little as possible. Use one of those online compound interest calculators and you can soon understand why.

 

Don't rush into anything. Get it good enough now, and you don't need to spend more for years. Use that as the argument for the last change if you have to - maybe be prepared to wait until the right amp comes up second hand.

 

Oh, and did I read this correctly, you put a bass trap in the living room without permission? - I believe they give out posthumous medals for that!

Link to post
Share on other sites

You might suggest that men have a lower life expectancy than women and you therefore have to spend at a  higher  rate per annum to ensure it evens out in the end?

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, so many rules.  We take care of the finances first, then money left over is spent on whatever we want.  We take it in turns on who buys something next.  She doesn't advise on what I buy, unless I ask for her opinion, because she knows it makes me happy, and vice versa.  :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Rules, what rules?

 

She wants that handbag that's on speacial at 50% off and still cost $1000.00.   Yeah sure, it looks goo on ya honey!  :P

 

 I'm eying that Grob DAC here from Clay!   :D

 

if its small enough I might just hide it amongs the HiFi components and hope she never realise.  And when she does; that's been there a while, for got to tell ya!   BTW that handbag looks nice.....:P

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Image how my missus was when I had stuff being delivered on weekly basis, she didn't mind the smaller stuff like dacs or streamers but the amps and avrs always raised questions. I just tell here what I sold to get the new bit of gear.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.



×
×
  • Create New...